[OpenIndiana-discuss] Native speakers' help with translation wanted

[Aurélien Larcher]

On Tue, Dec 4, 2018 at 2:52 PM James <list at xdrv.co.uk> wrote:

> On 04/12/2018 08:41, Michal Nowak wrote:
>
> Good afternoon,
>
> > Can a native English speaker read the changed text at
> > https://github.com/OpenIndiana/openindiana-welcome/pull/10/files and
> > provide feedback (either in the PR or here), please?
>
> I speak English "like a native" which doesn't make me an expert.
>
>
> "Because" should be avoided at the start of a sentence.  [I just broke
> that.]  It can be and is but because it needs a subordinate clause and a
> main clause it is generally better to introduce the ideas in a logical
> order. "because reason, fact" -> "fact because reason".  Try:
> "Our success as a operating system distribution depends upon the success
> of our community so please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC
> channels and GitHub projects."
> Alternatively as the subject is "Getting Involved" put the primary fact
> first:
> "Please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC channels and GitHub
> projects as our success as a operating system distribution depends upon
> the success of our community.".
>
> "In contrast to Linux, illumos is developed" as above with "because".
> Start with the facts about yourself then optionally why it is not
> something else.  "illumos is developed as a whole operating system" ...
> "This is in contrast...".
>
> "Considering the cross-pollination of technologies with FreeBSD and
> Linux, our code-base had contributed in a notable extent to operating
> system's innovation." -- I'm didn't understand.  For one it is "to the
> system's" if it is several "to systems'".  Try: "cross-pollination of
> our code-base with FreeBSD and Linux has contributed to operating system
> innovation." - ours, theirs, generally?  I don't know what the message
> is supposed to be.
>
> "Hence ..." better not at the start of a sentence.
>
> "Developers can instantly leverage", leverage is a noun.
>

It is also a verb.

>
>
> Many of the word orders are not natural, in many places, leading to,
> excess,,, commas.  How picky are we?  Do you want it rewritten?
>
>
>
> James.
>
>
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>


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