[OpenIndiana-discuss] Native speakers' help with translation wanted

[James]

On 04/12/2018 08:41, Michal Nowak wrote:

Good afternoon,

> Can a native English speaker read the changed text at
> https://github.com/OpenIndiana/openindiana-welcome/pull/10/files and
> provide feedback (either in the PR or here), please?

I speak English "like a native" which doesn't make me an expert.


"Because" should be avoided at the start of a sentence.  [I just broke 
that.]  It can be and is but because it needs a subordinate clause and a 
main clause it is generally better to introduce the ideas in a logical 
order. "because reason, fact" -> "fact because reason".  Try:
"Our success as a operating system distribution depends upon the success 
of our community so please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC 
channels and GitHub projects."
Alternatively as the subject is "Getting Involved" put the primary fact 
first:
"Please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC channels and GitHub 
projects as our success as a operating system distribution depends upon 
the success of our community.".

"In contrast to Linux, illumos is developed" as above with "because". 
Start with the facts about yourself then optionally why it is not 
something else.  "illumos is developed as a whole operating system" ... 
"This is in contrast...".

"Considering the cross-pollination of technologies with FreeBSD and 
Linux, our code-base had contributed in a notable extent to operating 
system's innovation." -- I'm didn't understand.  For one it is "to the 
system's" if it is several "to systems'".  Try: "cross-pollination of 
our code-base with FreeBSD and Linux has contributed to operating system 
innovation." - ours, theirs, generally?  I don't know what the message 
is supposed to be.

"Hence ..." better not at the start of a sentence.

"Developers can instantly leverage", leverage is a noun.


Many of the word orders are not natural, in many places, leading to, 
excess,,, commas.  How picky are we?  Do you want it rewritten?



James.