[OpenIndiana-discuss] Native speakers' help with translation wanted

[Michal Nowak]

Thanks everyone! I'll work on the feedback in the days ahead.

Michal

On 12/04/18 02:51 PM, James wrote:
> On 04/12/2018 08:41, Michal Nowak wrote:
> 
> Good afternoon,
> 
>> Can a native English speaker read the changed text at
>> https://github.com/OpenIndiana/openindiana-welcome/pull/10/files and
>> provide feedback (either in the PR or here), please?
> 
> I speak English "like a native" which doesn't make me an expert.
> 
> 
> "Because" should be avoided at the start of a sentence.  [I just broke 
> that.]  It can be and is but because it needs a subordinate clause and a 
> main clause it is generally better to introduce the ideas in a logical 
> order. "because reason, fact" -> "fact because reason".  Try:
> "Our success as a operating system distribution depends upon the success 
> of our community so please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC 
> channels and GitHub projects."
> Alternatively as the subject is "Getting Involved" put the primary fact 
> first:
> "Please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC channels and GitHub 
> projects as our success as a operating system distribution depends upon 
> the success of our community.".
> 
> "In contrast to Linux, illumos is developed" as above with "because". 
> Start with the facts about yourself then optionally why it is not 
> something else.  "illumos is developed as a whole operating system" ... 
> "This is in contrast...".
> 
> "Considering the cross-pollination of technologies with FreeBSD and 
> Linux, our code-base had contributed in a notable extent to operating 
> system's innovation." -- I'm didn't understand.  For one it is "to the 
> system's" if it is several "to systems'".  Try: "cross-pollination of 
> our code-base with FreeBSD and Linux has contributed to operating system 
> innovation." - ours, theirs, generally?  I don't know what the message 
> is supposed to be.
> 
> "Hence ..." better not at the start of a sentence.
> 
> "Developers can instantly leverage", leverage is a noun.
> 
> 
> Many of the word orders are not natural, in many places, leading to, 
> excess,,, commas.  How picky are we?  Do you want it rewritten?
> 
> 
> 
> James.
> 
> 
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